The Book of Haaland

The wit and wisdom of the world's most viral footballer

Part superhuman goal machine, part meditating ice sculpture, Erling Haaland is iconic. At the 2026 World Cup he scored in his first game, slotted in a further six, and sent Brazil packing, before somehow talking about it like he'd just nipped out for milk. Throw in a cowboy hat, a stuffed racoon and an iconic rowing celebration and the Striking Viking’s status as everybody’s favourite cult footballer was assured.

And somewhere along the line, this talismanic Norwegian has become football's most reluctant philosopher too. The Book of Haaland collects his finest deadpan pronouncements — on goals, farms, tractors, hat-tricks, and the sacred importance of sunlight in your eyes at 6 am — into one pocket-sized tribute to the biggest character in football.

This is a book for anyone who's ever watched Haaland celebrate like he's about to start a silent retreat and wondered if he's secretly the wisest man in the sport — or just really, really good at scoring goals. Equal parts admiring tribute, good-natured banter and accidental self-help, it's the ideal stocking-filler for the football obsessive, the aspiring warrior, or the little one who just can’t stop singing THAT song. Open anywhere; feel oddly better about everything.