Patient, Female

From the New York Times bestselling author of Dear Committee Members, a collection of wryly funny stories about ordinary women – in all their complexity, fallibility, and humanity.

An unsuspecting couple is treated to a luxury vacation by their deceased neighbour. After begrudgingly agreeing to volunteer at a nursing home, a middle school girl gambles over games of bridge with elderly residents. A single mother struggles to understand the unique bond between her autistic son and his dying grandmother. Four friends experience decades of highs and lows as pawns in The Game of Life. A professional gynaecology patient runs into a high school flame while at work, undressed, on the job.

In this irreverent collection, celebrated novelist Julie Schumacher balances sorrow against laughter. Here, we experience story not only as narrative, but as syllabus and as board game. Each protagonist – ranging from girlhood to senescence – receives her own indelible voice as she navigates social blunders, generational misunderstandings, and the absurdity of the human experience. Exquisitely honest and expertly crafted, Patient, Female renders – with dark humour and wit – the foibles of human behaviour and our endearing imperfections.

'Shrewd, sage, and so darkly funny.' – Claire Lombardo, author of The Most Fun We Ever Had

'Schumacher shows her incredible range in this short-story collection...There are many darkly comic scenes, but throughout, there is also an almost claustrophobic and often unspoken pressure on each character, as Schumacher expertly explores their fully formed psychological depth in this master class on short-story writing.' – Booklist, starred review

'Delightfully humorous…Strikingly original. Schumacher’s talent shines in this masterful collection.' – Library Journal, starred review

'Stories as funny as they are dark.' – Kirkus Reviews

'Patient, Female is a brilliant and moving collection.' – Debra Ginsberg, Shelf Awareness

'With the perfect blend of dark humor and compassion for her characters, Schumacher writes of the absurdity of the human experience.' – Literary Hub, 'Most Anticipated Books of 2026'

'An audacious short story collection...Schumacher's story collection is fresh, hilarious, dark, and upsetting all at once, making it a uniquely dynamic read.' – Minnesota Women’s Press